Journal Week 2

I feel that the Holy Spirit really wanted me to repent of my little sins because I've only been focusing on my big sins. My little sins consisted of: Self-image, people-pleasing, attention from girls, taming my tongue, comparing myself to others mainly on appearance, and worldly possessions. I started repenting because on Tuesday, Darlene talked about how when she started repenting of her little sins, her part of ministry took off and things started to multiply. She said she did not want to multiply a big mess, so she humbly asked God for forgiveness. Because I too wanted a personal revival/multiplication of his blessings, wrote to five people apology letters on Facebook. Then I fasted the lunch on that day.

Because of this "soul surgery," I felt heavy hearted because all these memories of my failures and negative thoughts came back as I was praying. I know that once I had the surgery, I needed time to recover, so I'm in the phase of letting God take control. However, I do feel heavy. Also, I've been having dreams consistently, which consisted of random things from something bad happening to my brother, family, and people from this base. I don't feel in my spirit that negative things are happening to the, specifically, but I do think that this is an indication that my mind is still not in peace and I'm still thinking of home, dwelling on fear and anxiety. I see the need to really let God take control.

I'm looking forward to finding peace and rest in Him. I felt pretty distracted by the people here. Because it's really fun hanging out. But I felt the need to kind of take a step back and focus on God. He's the reason why I'm here. I'm not here just to make new friends. This weekend I rededicated my life to God, that I would give him 100%. But even at church as I was singing "All I want is you, Lord", I was thinking of something else. Aside from finding peace, I want to focus on making Jesus my all this week and more - It's one thing to confess my sins saying 'God I'm sorry I didn't give you my 100% - but to actually work on giving him 100% is a battle I must fight with the help of the Holy Spirit. I need him more, more than yesterday.

Isiah 41: 9-10. 1 Corinthians 10:31