Journal Week 10

The advice that I've taken from Mandy's lectures in conjunction to how God spoke to me during this week was phenomenal. The main take away from the lectures was that being faithful to the very next step is key to running towards my ultimate calling. The thing is, we don't really know exactly where we're meant to go, but since we know who we are (our identity in Christ) all we can do is trust in God and be faithful to the thing in front of you. I believe that we have different callings in every season of our lives, whether it is studying, working, on your career, marriage etc. When we are faithful to what's in front of us, it will prepare us to be released into what our ultimate calling would be. If God showed us today the complete picture, I may stop seeking as hard as I would when I was totally dependent on God. The point is, God wants a relationship with us. He wants to go on this journey together with us. I realized that my calling is to first and foremost, to follow Jesus. What is the point of doing anything if you're not called to do it? What is the point of doing what you're called to do if you're not following Jesus? It always goes back to Him.

As Mandy posed many questions which gave me the chance to dig deep in my time of reflection, I noted some important themes that I took away from the lectures. These helped me to answer the question of Who I am, what I am doing, and where I am going. I know my identity in Christ and the uniqueness and authority that is given to me. I know how to communicate with God through the Holy Spirit as I am meant to find his treasures and be set apart from the rest of the world though I live in this world. I know where I am going, because I know if I'm faithful to the very next steps, then gradually I will be where He wants me to be, and that carries the utmost importance in my life. I believe that God revealed to me the general direction He wants me to go, so I can only trust and be faithful to the immediate next steps.

As for my personal time with Jesus, I felt that He told me to read Nehemiah, which I have never read before. In the first few chapters, it talks about how Nehemiah is heart broken by the ruins of His home nation of Israel. It speaks about how Nehemiah is on a quest to rebuild the ruins of Jerusalem and restore onto God what was His. In my interpretation, I also have a huge heart for the ruins of my home. I want to be able to rebuild and restore onto God because a lot of things at home are seriously being done in the wrong way. With high hopes that I can encourage the restoration of what has been lost, I want to return and be faithful to what I would be encountering before me.

As far as how I've been feeling, I sense a bit of sadness. I realize that Lord gives and takes away. DTS is so practical in a way that there are so many life lessens I can learn from it. One thing God gave me was an incredible and loving community of friends here. But I'm thinking if I'm so sad to let them go, as the last week is fast approaching, then how am I supposed to give God my all? Previously, I got a vision of me giving back all that I have built, my wealth, my house, my family, as an offering onto Him as a tabernacle. I want to recognize that this is the start of my offering. It is NOT mine to begin with. He gives and takes away, and I shall ever be so grateful because He is worth the temporary loss and joy. He's my all and everything. 

- 

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss

Journal Week 9

Had a good week of rest from the holidays and some time of reflection. As far as the lectures, the most important pieces I was able to note was to be joyful in your long way around (Charlotte Graham) and to put on the armor of God because spiritual warfare is real (Linda Cowie). I want to maintain the mentality of not looking for "instant answers to prayers", but pick up others and gain as much as I can along the way because it is God's appointed time for me. Even the ones that God placed in my life, as I read in A Tale of Three Kings, are directly from God. So maintain a grateful heart in the midst of difficult time, Romans 13:1 "For there is No authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God". This taught me to think twice before making a premature decision against people because God may be trying to tell me something while I'm under someone's authority. Regarding spiritual warfare, I am reminded to position my spirit with His in whatever way possible. I find that recalibrating my spirit to God's early in the day helps me throughout the day tremendously. This week's sermon at Hope Center was about priority. How will you be set apart from the rest of the world in 2016? I think this begins by aligning myself with God everyday and making Him my priority, practically and in principle.
I had some time to reflect on 2015 and how I can be set apart in 2016. Being set apart from the world seems to be a recurring theme in my convictions. 2015 was such a meaningful year to me, and I think in 2016, it's time for me to act upon my convictions and be different. To be frank, I have no idea how that's going to look like. But fear, which is a little unusual for me, is diminishing and confidence in the Lord's authority in my life is making me feel optimistic about this year. 
Last week was tough in finding intimacy with the Lord because of all the distractions, but this week I was more in tune with God despite the New Year's Eve dance party and festive activities. I committed more time and heart to find intimacy with God this time around. I have big expectations for the week on the topic of 'Your Calling'. It's an important topic. Why do anything if it's not what God wants. I want to do God's will and nothing of my own.

Journal Week 8

The teaching for this week I think was an important topic. I didn't learn anything that I haven't really heard of before, but the delivery and approach of Helen's teaching was super helpful. Relationships are the core of our struggles and issues. Relationships are something we are required to have to live on earth, and so it holds high importance. It's essential, but also very difficult to do. I liked how Helen related that how you love God reflects how you love others. How you relate to God helps you to relate to others. Because the core of our identity depends on how we perceive God and how we ought to perceive our relationships with others. Another helpful remark she pointed out was that committing sin (sexual sins especially) is like bending a steel rod. Once you bend it once, it is so much easier to do it the next time. It's so true in my life because sins are deadly like that. Sin has multiplicative effect on our lives like a snowball gaining momentum. 
Personally, I had one of the best Holiday season I've ever had. However, I'm trying to preach to myself the mentality of loving the gifter more than the gifts. And it's tough. He gave us so much. So many gifts that are amazing. I want to be able to find maturity in this area because a lot of the times I feel that I'm squeezing my time with Him while I'm enjoying My time with His gifts. Like a child that's obsessed with a toy, I am unable to clearly see beyond the toy. So, I'm asking Him for help. I need Holy Spirit to remind me, I need to discipline my flesh. I've seen and tasted that HE is good, so it's about taming my body to be obedient to my thoughts.
One thing that I want to take away/work on is not to segregate my time with God and doing secular things/tasks. How wonderful would it be to feel his presence at all times. To reach that level of intimacy. I think I need to take the first step of opening this door in all that I do. I am a weekend warrior today (Sunday), and it was just a worthy and refreshing time to worship Him while I was doing my duties. It would be such a joy to be able to reach this way of fellowship with God in all the "none holy" things that I do from outside of DTS, to my daily walk at home... I know these things, it's a matter of application. I need 1 Corinthians 10:31 to come alive in my life! That I may drink, eat, or in whatever I do, I do it all for the glory of God. At the same time I want to be able to discern, by the help of Holy Spirit, what is good and bad for me to do in my daily walk. As Paul says in the same chapter, 'All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial'. God, give me discernment. It's so important.

Journal Week 7

This week was good in that it answered a lot of my questions I had regarding Holy Spirit. One note that I'm taking away is that Holy Spirit is upon us whether we realize or not, He is pulling us close and all we need to do is acknowledge it. He is past, present, future, and lives even in the midst of the poorest nations and we don't bring God to them, we simply assist them to recognize Holy Spirit already living in them. One big question I struggled with is how Holy Spirit works within the people who are very charismatic and experiential driven (falling down and going wild). Mandy urged us to understand that Holy Spirit doesn't work in the limited form as we know and touches people in the least expected way. However the way people laugh, cry, fall down is the way that We react to Holy Spirit falling upon us, it's not that Holy Spirit is making us to react that way. People respond differently because we're all unique.
My intimacy with God has been there, however, I definitely feel that my flesh is pulling me down. I am tired from the emotional and spiritual training I have been doing, and I feel like I wasn't positioning myself to rest my body in relation to what m mind was trying to process. The thing is, I want more, I am thirsty, and I want to keep the fire burning. But I'm also realizing that my body also is my temple and I need to be smart about it. One rejuvenating experience that I enjoyed was that when Mandy invited us to be different sexually (from the rest of the world), I committed myself not to sin sexually with my hands, as I washed them. I saw, as I was praying , an image of the mummy linen cloth, similar to the cloth that Lazarus wore, and understood that I'm a new creation to which porn and masturbation is no longer an outlet to stress etc. I was overcome with fear all of the sudden because I remember how I made this commitment last time and failed. Then I remembered that my identity is in Him and could sense Him saying "get up, and walk". And I saw myself walking confidently, that in my doubt I was only self-prophesying failure.
I feel that this week, I could have been more sensitive to the Spirit that way I can experience the fullness of Him, but I won't regret it because there's value in every teaching that I learn from what I'm lacking. In terms of Mandy's teaching, while it was not really a mind blowing series of teaching, but I felt that every week is such an important component to learning a balanced and solid foundation of who God is and I'm enjoying every bit of it. Moving forward, I feel the urgency to find rest and ready myself to receive more and more and more :)

Journal Week 6

One key take away that I felt was necessary for me to highlight this week was humility in our approach to finding intimacy with God. Humility is key in hearing God's voice because He lends his ears to those who walk in righteousness (Peter 3:12) and gives to those that are humble (James 4:6). 
When we are able to hear God's voice, we find intimacy, and intimacy is Everything that we need in our Christian walk. Miracles, healing, prophetic words exist so that we can find intimacy with God. Otherwise, He will simply say 'depart from me, I never knew you. (Matthew 7:23). I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that we put into practice how we practically can hear  from God. Cheyne did an excellent job of showing us the ropes and I can't wait to embark on a whole another approach of my Christian walk. That he would help me know what to pray for, and I'm praying with Him, under His help, and that I'm also praying to Him. It's assuring to know I am not left alone to do this Christian life, but that Holy Spirit is closer than close. He lives in me.
My relationship with God is much more intimate. I can sense that because He has been telling me a lot of cool stuff about myself, I am able to feel His love more outwardly and am able to express myself of how I feel. One cool thing He showed me during Cheyne's lecture is that when I was listening to God, He gave me an image of a "beautiful picture" (that Ciara envisioned/prophesied) where I saw a beautiful home, beautiful nature in the background and a great big happy family. But the strange thing was that this picture turned into bronze color. I felt that God wanted me to bless me with a beautiful home, beautiful garden, and a truly happy family, and give it back/use it as an offering onto the Lord. Just like the bronze lamp, alter, and all the sacred offering onto the Lord was made of bronze in Exodus. I felt that He wanted me to raise my family to love the Lord and "give them up" as an offering onto Him. Another thing was during spontaneous worship, he gave me verse concerning my prayer request for what I should do when I get back. I was thinking about not taking leadership at my home church, but out of the blue, God showed me Philippians 1:24-26. It talks about remaining in the body of Christ so that others can come to boast in the name of Jesus as a result of Apostle Paul's good work. To me, it felt like He was telling me to stay in leadership and grow there for the sake of His people.
God has been setting me free of my old bad habits and bondage and I really don't know what to expect this upcoming week. At the same time, because this week was so powerful, I wish to rest well and process all the teachings. I love DTS so far and I'm excited to keep moving forward.

Journal Week 5

I feel God is asking me to be set apart from the world by showing me my true identity in Christ. The lectures helped me to understand that we are unique creation of God, that Jesus is the first born of a new race and we are hid bloodline, his eternal companions. God chose us before the creation of the world (Ephesians 1:4) The Lord's portion is his people (Deuteronomy 32:4) he takes pleasure and delights in his people (Psalm 8:6; 115:16;149:4). We are His (1 Corinthians 3:16) and His Spirit dwells in us. This means that we are given the authority to fight the enemy and be a group, called to be set apart - ekklesia. We do not live in the world as the world does any longer.
Even after my repenting session during Father Heart week, God has been revealing things that He wants to get rid of. One by one, day by day, and I feel like he wants to draw me near, but desires me to be holy and righteous before Him. He spoke to me many times during our hiking trip. He pointed out my tendencies to judge others. I repented of this sin and asked for his healing. On Sunday, He woke me up at 6:55 AM, which never happens, and encouraged me to read the Word. In the middle of it all, God gave me these words regarding judging others. "I entrusted my relationship with you specifically. Seek me first, don't look at others. Trust in me that I will take care of them. I know I gave you a heart to love others and care for them. But, I got this (in His time). Love me first and I will use you to do greater things to help others." This came from a heart that was questioning why others don't seem to seek God in the way that I do. He showed me Philippians 4:19 and it read "(God) will meet all your needs according to the riches  of His glory." In His time, according to His plan, His glory and not mine.
He planned to tell me this at 6:55 AM, just because I asked him to heal me of this a couple days ago. He is so personal in speaking to me and I need to put my faith in Him that He will take care of those around me just as He did for me.

Journal Week 4

I was so blessed by the teaching on the topic of Father God's Heart. One thing that really stood out to me was the topic of fear. Marty talked about it on Wednesday, but what's crazy about it is that God spoke to me on Tuesday, a crazy revelation I felt about fear. I was generally doing extremely well up until Tuesday night until a crippling sense of fear of loneliness kicked in. I realize that because this has been a recurring thing in my life, this insecurity allowed me to develop a defense mechanism to want to possess and possess to cover the sense of emptiness in my life. Because I wanted to possess relationships for myself, I declared independence from God in this area. I told Him that I would give him my all before, reciting 1 Corinthians 10:31, but it just wasn't true in that area of my life. It was not the overflowing love for Jesus Christ that was the root of my actions, I found that it was actually this fear of loneliness and fear of man that was governing a lot of my thoughts and actions. The verse said to do it all for the glory of God, but in reality, I was living my life for the glory of ... my self desires and wherever this fear of man/emptiness took me.
In my outreach group, I repented my fear of loneliness and fear of man. For idolizing security, family, friends and reputation as a result of fear. As I was taught from the lecture, when we walk in the light by confessing to each other in accountability (James 5:8), we will overcome the old self.

Journal Week 3

Through Doug's teachings, it was refreshing to hear how much I should be relying on the Holy Spirit (John 16:13). He went as far as to say that the scripture should be regarded subservient to the Holy Spirit. While I had a tough time understanding this, I saw that he had valid points in that when the Bible is used to divide and cause tension among God's people, Holy Spirit is not present because it is not His will to destroy his community. While the scripture carries "errors" or mistranslation (because there are multiple variations within each versions), the fact of the matter is Jesus came down to save us and whoever chooses to follow him will have eternal life. This is the underlying theme of the Bible, which the culture, language, political influences, social mores -acquired customs and manners at the time cannot change or translate. I told God that I want to get to know and grow in relationship with the Holy Spirit.
At the beginning of the week, I was very distracted by the people, the fun, and things from back at home. As I was praising "There is only one man sitting on the throne, and that's you Jesus," I was actually thinking about someone else. When I noticed this, I felt ashamed and repented immediately. As the week went on, I felt rejuvenated while hiking and it allowed me to focus more on the Lord.
On the weekend, I just had a burst of desire to find more new things about God and I Was super glad to have felt this. I believe He Himself allowed this desire in me to pursue after Him.
So far, I feel that my spiritual journey at DTS has not taken off that dramatically. But, I feel that in my soul that I'm doing a lot of cleaning up in my past sins and current distractions that have been exposed to me. At the same time, I feel that I'm preparing myself and getting ready for my soul to take off. I believe He will do amazing things in the next two months of the lecture phase, and onto the outreach phase.

Journal Week 2

I feel that the Holy Spirit really wanted me to repent of my little sins because I've only been focusing on my big sins. My little sins consisted of: Self-image, people-pleasing, attention from girls, taming my tongue, comparing myself to others mainly on appearance, and worldly possessions. I started repenting because on Tuesday, Darlene talked about how when she started repenting of her little sins, her part of ministry took off and things started to multiply. She said she did not want to multiply a big mess, so she humbly asked God for forgiveness. Because I too wanted a personal revival/multiplication of his blessings, wrote to five people apology letters on Facebook. Then I fasted the lunch on that day.

Because of this "soul surgery," I felt heavy hearted because all these memories of my failures and negative thoughts came back as I was praying. I know that once I had the surgery, I needed time to recover, so I'm in the phase of letting God take control. However, I do feel heavy. Also, I've been having dreams consistently, which consisted of random things from something bad happening to my brother, family, and people from this base. I don't feel in my spirit that negative things are happening to the, specifically, but I do think that this is an indication that my mind is still not in peace and I'm still thinking of home, dwelling on fear and anxiety. I see the need to really let God take control.

I'm looking forward to finding peace and rest in Him. I felt pretty distracted by the people here. Because it's really fun hanging out. But I felt the need to kind of take a step back and focus on God. He's the reason why I'm here. I'm not here just to make new friends. This weekend I rededicated my life to God, that I would give him 100%. But even at church as I was singing "All I want is you, Lord", I was thinking of something else. Aside from finding peace, I want to focus on making Jesus my all this week and more - It's one thing to confess my sins saying 'God I'm sorry I didn't give you my 100% - but to actually work on giving him 100% is a battle I must fight with the help of the Holy Spirit. I need him more, more than yesterday.

Isiah 41: 9-10. 1 Corinthians 10:31

Journal Week 1

I believe that throughout the lectures this week, He is asking me to be freed from carrying the spirit of Martha and learn to simply receive from the roots, in order to bear fruit that will last (John 15:16-17). To be treasure hunters - always seeking, looking, and searching for more of Him. Asking how will you speak to me today? What will you show me today? Another point that hit me to love God as a husband does to a wife. This is a difficult idea to see as a man, but I'm beginning to place him at the center of my romance. He is a jealous God and I sense that he longs for my attention, and I'm beginning to long for his attention.
Throughout the week, I've been getting to know the people here pretty well. Because I had difficulty with a girl issue right before I came to New Zealand - close female friend back at home - this has been on my radar. The beginning of the week, I had a hard time focusing on God because I kept on looking around for a potential wife. I asked God multiple times to free me of these thoughts because I already know He has chosen someone for me. There is no need for me to be tempted while I'm on a journey specifically for me to pursue only God. I am looking to give God my 100%, not 99% God and 1% Girlfriend.
I also had difficulty giving my all to Jesus because I kept thinking of my current family. Family is one of my biggest idols. Because of my upbringing (broken family), I long to be a great dad, brother, son, and husband. So it's important for me to provide for my current family and look to start my future family. At church, I prayed to God to free me of anxiety I have on my current family (finances, health, well-being) and my future family (wife, career/security). I am trusting that God will take control of my attention because He assured me that it is a new beginning. Everyday his mercies are new and He will fill the needs of my family, current and future. Colossians 3:1-2 says to set your eyes on things above, not what is here on earth. I've been meditating on how God feels about me from heaven, how He loves me so much. I've been more in love with Him through the beauty that He has been showing me in the land of New Zealand, especially the sky - in its vastness, symbolizing His unending faithfulness, goodness and assurance. The scenery here helps me connect to the things above (heavenly realms) to what's present in my life.